Soundless
I.
I hate you.
I do not need you.
The words echoed across the harsh, jagged grey cliffs.
All was quiet for an eternity. Wind hollowly sounded around the precipices.
The air was oppressive with the discomfort of uneasiness and doubt. But there need be no doubt. He hated.
And then an answer came, like an earthquake.
YOU WILL KNOW.
And then silence fell, again. This time with real weight. Hate was very present.
Eons of soundlessness went by and it seemed that it would never lift. Empty waves undulated to break and then never did.
But then it broke, and he longed, cried, ached, for the silence to return.
There had never been such a noise, for there never had been any noise in this desolate world.
It was a bleak, brittle desert and there was black smoke in the air; its poisonous fumes suffocating and dense. Fire burned ferociously in the distance, drawing ever nearer; unquenched by water for there was none, and even if there were it would have fed its fury.
Time itself was different. Not because it was endless but because there was nothing to measure it from; nothing to measure it to. Nothing to wait for.
And the noise...it deafened, crashed, wailed. There was no end and there never would be. Rocks and boulders fell, flaming, shattering. Chains from all around and below clanged together, grinding out a condemning despair. All were condemned; all condemned his neighbor.
The land itself was full of malice, and impenetrable. Again metal ground against the stone earth but was deafened by the increasing sound that was louder than all the rest. The sound of weeping, crying, pleading, dying. The endlessly dug their own graves...and then began again. Always dying, never dying. The sound of hearts breaking.
This was life, this was hopeless, this was death.
There was no God.
II.
Death stood personified with every evil. His face was blank but full of expression.
All that was not good emanated from him. He was king, he knew no other. Tyrant, unopposed.
All lived to die, but death never came and their very souls craved and coveted it. They hungered for violence and thrived on it, yet envied those lives they ended. But what they ended still continued on in pain.
This would never end, this was all that had been and would be. Forsaken, accident, chaos. It didn’t really matter. There was no hope, for there was no God.
Pain seeped in through all the cracks and doubts of his mind. He reeled and screamed. It was a different sound than those fallen beings. It was realization, fear, and now despair; pride wrenched from his heart. He had refused, he had hated all that was beautiful, he had been punished.
I NEED YOU.
All-powerful arms wrapped around him unseen in deep love, and all was quiet.
Gift
III.
A girl stood on the edge of a cliff, her mind trying to drown itself in pain.
Remember what he said. Remember what you felt like. Remember the anger, and then self loathing.
It’s not my fault. It’s Your fault. Now it will be gone.
She took a step closer to the edge, shutting out all thoughts but those that drove her to this madness of desperation. She almost succeeded. Everything was a whirlwind of her mistakes and hopelessness. But then her maker spoke.
Why do you throw away what I have made beautiful?
Because I have corrupted myself. I was never beautiful.
To me you are.
There is no reason for this lie.
I made you!
Why bother?
Because you bring me great joy.
I know that I have brought no one joy...except perhaps now in my death.
Because you have thrown away.
What was I to do?
You ran away from me.
But You failed me.
You never trusted me.
Because you were not there.
I was always there.
Then what did you do? Show me. No one has ever shown me anything but themselves.
I gave myself.
No one would do that. It would be the opposite of humanity!
I am not humanity.
Humanity does not deserve it.
But I did still.
That was foolish.
It was because I love you.
Show me.
I have.
You are spirit, you feel nothing.
I FEEL EVERYTHING. And now will you.
III.
The cliff was gone. All that was her life now was a wide cosmic plain. There was nothing but deep blue emptiness in all directions. After wandering a long time across the peaceful space, words came.
I spoke with my maker.
She walked, pacing, unthinking, but in the back of her mind many things were pondered.
Years it seemed...years there were. It didn’t feel like time.
Suddenly a thought crossed her mind. It is me now.
From this time on she planned, anticipated, and delighted. She could love now.
After many more years had past in this other worldly plain, the day had dawned.
Come, she said.
And there they were, tall, beautiful, perfect, new. They could not see her, but they could hear her voice, and so she spoke with them often.
They paced side by side, although to them she was invisible. Hours on end they laughed, and she loved. She saw how unutterably precious a thing it was to create and throw oneself completely into living for another.
One day there was a splinter in the flawless world; another voice that came and went. It was a black voice, smothered in honey.
Come, it said, follow me and you will be happy.
We are happy, they replied. Our maker loves us.
You cannot see your maker. You can see me.
Blackness came into the plain.
They were entranced, and followed him.
Do not go, for he will harm you! she cried out. But they were distracted.
It will be fine, we just want to see him. I love you, maker.
I love you, children.
They followed him until they could see the blackness closely.
Now, he said, let me show you excitement.
We have excitement. We have all we will ever need.
No, this will give you the power to overcome yourself. You do not have that now.
Do we need it, maker?
No, child, she said. Please, stay.
We want to go, maker, they said, wavering.
You have a choice. But it will only bring you pain.
We will be fine.
They sped away, mesmerized by the blackness. Her eyes followed them. They came to a stream, and she saw that it held death.
Stay away, she called out. By this time they barely heard her.
You will feel like nothing you have ever felt like before, he said. You will be like your maker.
We just wanted excitement, they said.
This is more than you have dreamed of.
They glanced behind, and she screamed. Do not drink the water!
We will be fine, they answered. How would you know?
They drew closer.
No! she gasped. And spoke herself beside them.
Do not drink the water, she said.
What would you know? Get away. We want his water now.
She stepped between the stream and her beloved. The blackness loomed high. The expression of her creation had changed. Now they looked at her with disdain.
We don’t want you anymore. We don’t need you; leave us alone. It is our choice and we have made it.
She stepped forward, still before the stream. Their eyes bored into her and she would not give way. Arms reached out to grasp her and pulled her down.
No, she cried, I want to save you.
We don’t need to be saved, we can do it on our own. There is nothing to fear here.
I CREATED YOU. I love you. The water will kill you.
They laughed, and the blackness surrounded them all. Their hands hacked into her heart and penetrated her mind. The love they saw overwhelmed them.
If she is so afraid of the stream, why do we not put her into the water?
The blackness sweetly muttered its approval.
She gasped for air and the poison filled her lungs. Stepping out, she saw the looks of scorn and derision on their faces. She fell to the ground. Pain numbed and shocked every part of her soul and body. They had rejected her. What she would give her life for hated her with all that they were. This pain was worse than any physical dying tremor she felt. She knew what it felt like to give herself up and be betrayed by those whose very existence they owed to her.
The floor writhed beneath her as the poison did its work.
They stepped to the very bank of the stream. With her last strength she jumped in front of them and her whole length stretched across the water. The blackness covered them and vanished, as their eyes were opened.
Deep blue filled her mind as the girl woke by the side of the cliff. Her heart still felt as if it had been ripped open. She looked down and she was soaked to the skin, her body worn and pale.
She rose, and walked away.
Now I can live.
I love this picture. Alice in Wonderland rocks.
curiouser and curiouser.
